I do not pretend to know all the answers. I hardly know any, if I'm to tell the truth. I have woken up everyday for the last 5 years still searching for some kind of answer to this crazy thing we call Autism. Let me just break it to you now - there is not an answer. At least not one answer that explains who, what, where, and most importantly why.
Thank goodness for all the experts of the world who are constantly researching and trying to find out the cause, the cure, the ANSWER. I don't actually find them helpful for the most part, but I do applaud their efforts. Yet somehow, perhaps because of a need to feel self-important, they all seem to think their opinion is the right one. I just don't understand that.
I have watched lectures and read articles for hundreds of hours trying to get a handle on my son being autistic. I am much more knowledgeable about what being on the spectrum means. I have certainly honed my detective skills to weed out the snake oil salesman. But at the end of it all, whatever expert opinion is being shoved at me - their message is clear: "If you're not doing it my way - You're Just Not Doing It Right."
Now these people don't know my son. They try to lump him into a category on the spectrum. They don't know how smart he is or that he has a wicked sense of humor. They have never watched him struggle to say what he is thinking. Nor do they know how much he loves to be cuddled in the morning. So how in the world do they know I'm not doing it right?
That leads me to the other experts in our lives - our friends and family. Now these people actually know us, they know our children. They are our biggest supporters and our very worst critics. These experts are the ones I dread the most. Their words, looks, and whispers always cut deep. "You just need to teach him who the boss is." "You can't let him throw a tantrum when he doesn't get his way." "You need to teach him to not say hurtful things." "You need to make him eat what is on his plate. If he is hungry enough, he will eat." And the list goes on and on.
Sure these people have nothing but the best intentions. They love us and our children. But their expert advice only resonates as "You're Just Not Doing It Right." Their shock and horror when they find out he's 4 and still won't go number 2 in the bathroom - its humiliating. Every time someone starts a sentence with "You just need to...." I cringe.
The worst thing anyone has ever said to me was "If only you didn't feed him gluten, he wouldn't be autistic." As if I really gave my son autism by not feeding him right. This is the insanity that we live in. One million experts walking around in our lives and none of them know the first thing about autism. They simply think Rain Man.
So here is my EXPERT advice - you are the expert of your child. You can have advisers such as doctors, teachers, therapists, etc. But at the end of it all, you are the one true expert of that fantastic child who needs you, loves you, and depends on you each and every day. Whether you choose gluten free diets, medication, prayer, therapies, nutrition or whatever - YOU ARE DOING IT RIGHT! Find what works for your kiddo. You are the only one who knows what works and what doesn't work. Look outside the box, explore different therapies, different nutritional options, different schools. There is not ONE answer that fits all of our kids.
And each and every time someone tells you "You're Just Not Doing It Right", look at the miracle you created, the wonderful unique child who thinks you hung the moon and the stars just for him, and then you will know that you really are doing it right.
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